In full disclosure, if you don’t know me personally, I will admit that I have always had a love-hate relationship with technology in its countless forms in both the 20th and 21st century.
In the last two decades of my life alone, I’ve witnessed our dependence and lust grow for the personal computers, internet usage, cell phones and now the latest tech combo plate menu item: smart phones.
As a wife and mother who juggles her little family and extended family’s needs as well as the drive to stay connected to friends and current events, I can’t say that the advent of these multi-tasking devices (my favorite is the blackberry) hasn’t helped me. But lately, I find myself forcefully putting my blackberry into my purse or even leaving around in the house or car because my heartburn is growing as I witness the gap these devices are contributing between parents and our children.
I can speak to the infant and toddler experience in parenting as my son T.A. is 2 years old and I’m expecting our second.
Why on earth are you engrossed in your phone during your child’s playtime either at an inside or outside playground? I’m not talking about the occasional “checking the time” or “who’s calling/texting” and such. I’m talking to the dad I saw the other day who was utterly consumed in his blackberry while his child wrecked havoc on others as well as himself. I’m recalling the mother whose little girls were trying to get her attention outside while she chatted away on the phone and didn’t even take a break to let them know why she needed to take such an important phone call (I hope it was). Yes, I sound harsh and I am the first to admit that I’ve had to answer the phone or reach out to someone–but the difference is I make it a point to communicate this to my son before, as and after I do it. You see, they still absorb everything we do, as young toddling ones did hundreds of years ago…the only difference now is we have these gizmos that cast this weird silence upon them when we get lost in using them for both good and bad reasons.
Again, I’m not saying you should never have these phones/devices out while with your children in a playground setting. I’m just trying to suggest that it’s probably not necessary that we do and I’d rather we spend our attention on our children as one day they’ll be grown and won’t ever need as much as they do now–how critical it is that we don’t become that absent parent while physically present.
APPS FOR DISTRACTION
Who hasn’t been frazzled by their child’s behavior at a restaurant, place of religious worship, et cetera? I have used our digital camera at an eatery before to help squeeze out the final course or conversation with those at the table–as a last resort.
A couple of weeks ago, though, I read an article about how parents pacify their children during card rides with phone apps varying from games to videos. I also witnessed a mother at my church who had her toddler holding her smart phone with a video during a children’s history event on our Greek OXI day. This blows my mind as we are called to help our little infants and toddlers to experience life in all its forms…not always defaulting to the digital/virtual one. In the car, my son has books, toys, writing pads, stickers and all the like. I refuse to hand him my phone and now have determined that I don’t even want DVD players in any future cars either.
Again, it’s not a necessity and we certainly should not help them nurse a dependence on this sort of instantaneous entertainment that will always have to be trumped somehow. Why miss out on the conversations you can have with your toddler about what we see on our way to the grocery store or mall? My son will sometimes recalled up to half a dozen times in a week something we saw last week–it is fascinating how their mind makes connections without the constant feed of a video on a phone that would only serve to distract them from their surroundings. Don’t we want to help our kids have a better grasp on people and things around them on a daily basis? Is it worth the silence and not being “bothered” by your child when in several years you’ll have a teenager who has no empathy or depth of perception in the real world?
CLOSING OF PART ONE
I want to write further on this subject and I welcome any comments or criticisms as I know my tone can sound pretty convicting. If I want anything to be remembered from this it’s that I feel it’s more important to put aside these smart devices and play with them on our own time than our child’s time.